Begin the Begin

I'm trying to be better about posting here. The title refers to today where a good portion of the charity programs have posted their applications on-line. I have to admit that I am freaking out about not getting accepted and sitting on the sidelines for another year. I have poured my whole race season into running this. I've postponed adding to our family for this. For the last 24 hours, it's all I can think about. Ways of raising money. Reasons to accept me. Why I want to run. My original plan was to apply to as many charity programs as I could, but what if I get on more than 1 team? Can I decline a team if 3 choose me? Or am I screwed to raise 11,000 and run on 3 teams? I'm looking between 2 teams right now and trying to decide which one I have a better shot with. I want this more than anything. Yes, I want to put myself through a grueling training program. I want to lose toenails and have my legs scream. I want to cross that finish line more than anything right now.

As a kid, I've had many dreams. Be a rock star. Be an actress. Be a writer. Move to England. Run the Boston Marathon. Marry Bono. None of these were based in anything that resembled reality. Until this year, running the Boston Marathon was up there with being a rock star and touring with U2. For the very first time in my 39 years, I am close to living out a dream. Doing something so much larger than myself and pushing myself beyond my limits and comfort zone.

But before all that, I need to run a half marathon in 2 hours and 30 minutes. Is this a personal record I'm looking for? Is this something I'm putting on me? No. The Boston Athletic Association has told me that I need to run it 2:30. My first half was done in 2:39. That was 4 to 5 months ago. I hope to God that I'm stronger, faster, better.